Here are my notes from watching Borderline. Please have Werner Herzog read this at my funeral.

What.

Why.

No.

Why is anybody doing anything.

That’s not where that goes, movie.

Why is this scene four hours long.

That’s not where that goes either, movie.

Also wrong.

Getting colder.

Antarctica, you’re in Antarctica.

The security guard is the main character.

The security guard has stopped being the main character.

You’re supposed to introduce the characters before having them do things.

Is anybody else going to take a crack at being the main character or

The movie forgot to have a first act.

Not feeling great about there being a second one, either.

How are we in the third act. The first two acts haven’t happened yet.

Time is your mind failing to comprehend the horror of its own creation.

Ray Nicholson’s character is incidental to a movie that is about him.

This entire movie is incidental to this entire movie.

The security guard is the main character again. Does he even have a name.

This movie was written by the Zodiac Killer.

The script has forgotten that Samara Weaving is in the movie. She is on the poster.