Narcissistic Parent Finally Accepts That It Was All Her Children’s Fault
Bloodthirsty Bounty Hunter Feels Like He’s Wasting His Comparative Literature Degree
Chuck Schumer Tries To Play With Slinky, Somehow Ends Up Giving Republicans Necessary Votes To Legalize Alaskan Death Camps
Impatient Bears Fans Wish Team Would Just Hurry Up And Disappoint Them Already
I’m Not Saying I’m Jumping At The Chance To Follow Pinhead Into The Cenobite Dimension, I’m Just Saying I’m Willing To Hear Him Out
Grown Man With Beanie Baby Collection Doing Just Fine, Hasn’t Even Thought About The Divorce
Panicked JK Rowling Realizes She Hasn’t Said Anything Mind-Bendingly Stupid In Almost An Hour
Depressed Horse Clears Head By Galloping Majestically Across Breathtaking Vistas While Being Ridden By Shirtless Hunk
Toddler Relieved That Parents Are Ageless, Infallible Gods
Baby In Highchair Doesn’t Know If Parents Just Forgot That It’s Milk Time, But Maybe Some God-Tier Level Screaming Will Shake Them From Their Reverie
Man At Orgy Feels Sudden, Meaningful Connection With Whoever Is Doing That Awesome Thing To His Ass
Local Man Knows This Is Going To Be More Than Just A Fart, But Sometimes You Have To Roll The Dice
Entire Steelers Team Quickly Exits Locker Room As Aaron Rodgers Stands To Speak
Mule Blends In Perfectly Amongst Group Of Donkeys, Feels Like A Fucking Ninja
Yeah, That’s Right, Offer Me Meatballs While I Shop For Furniture. Yeah, Yeah, You Dirty Fuck, You Know How Daddy Likes It
C-SPAN Airs Day-Long Coverage Of Functioning Government As Part Of Yearly April Fools’ Joke
Dave Chappelle Considering Including Jokes In Next Standup Special
Richard Nixon, Lee Atwater Nod Approvingly At Current State Of American Politics From Their Thrones In Hell
ESPN To Look Into Complaints of Sporting Events Interrupting 24/7 Coverage of Pat McAfee
Let’s Get One Thing Straight: I’m Kicking Someone In The Head Today, It’s Just A Matter Of Who, And How Hard
– A Zebra