Dog Has No Idea Why He’s Hoarding Chew Toys In The Corner, Either, But Sometimes You Just Have To Do What Feels Right

RFK Jr. Drinks Entire Aquarium

Cosmic Furnace, Best Known For Seeding Life Against The Darkness And Acting As Horrifying Reminder Of Nature’s Catastrophic Indifference Towards The Will Of Man, Currently Obstructed By Small Cloud

Tearful Pazuzu Fears Followers Might Have Forgotten It’s His Birthday

Racism Eradicated On Prestige TV, Doing Fine In Real Life

Chuck Schumer Sees Own Reflection In Glass Door, Immediately Surrenders

Cooper Isn’t One To Admire His Own Handiwork, But That Is One Fuckable Barrel

World’s Most Successful Slam Poet Might Make Rent This Month

Exhausted Nation Can’t Believe They Already Have To Watch The Patriots Be Good Again

Amazon Executives Desperately Try To Stifle Laughter As They Greenlight Another Streaming Show About The Dangers Of Corporate Greed

Man Wearing Massive Gauntlet Feels Like He Could Stand To Weave More Devastating Haymakers Into His Daily Routine

Group Of Friends Watching Latest Episode Of Prestige Television Show Absolutely Primed To See Some Dong

Vengeful Plumber Finally Finds The Toilet That Killed His Family, Prepares For The Fight of His Life

Man Finds Out How The Sausage Is Made, Could Still Go For Some Sausage

Walton Goggins Hospitalized With Severe Forehead Cramping

Shirtless James Cameron Pounds Chest In Front Of Cast And Crew To Show He’s The Alpha

Fucking Amateur Forgets To Save All The Chocolate For The Last Dunkaroo

Sasquatch Hasn’t Eaten All Day, Reasons That No One Is Going To Miss One Measly Camper

Nurse Checking In On Coma Patient Doesn’t Know If It’s Normal For Them To Be Fully Erect, Or If This Guy’s A Perv

Reclusive Novelist Actually Just Moved And Forgot To Leave A Forwarding Address