Santa Converts To Judaism

Last Remaining Travel Agent Going To Get You To Acapulco If It Kills Him

Man Driving Car Knows He’s Not Supposed To Answer Texts, But That Phone Is Vibrating Like A Dog Shitting Razorblades

Cleveland Browns Contact Upcoming Opponent To Negotiate Terms of Surrender

Larry David Concedes Point

American Voters Prepare For Biennial Tradition Of Consciously Choosing To Make Their Lives Worse

Person Who Actually Has Asperger’s Wishes People Would Stop Claiming They Have Asperger’s; Would Also Like A Burger, Cooked In That Way – No, The Other Way. No, That’s Wrong, Too

If There’s An Easier Way To Masturbate Than Hanging Yourself From A Noose In Your Closet And Hoping That You Climax Before Accidentally Committing Suicide Then I’d Like To Hear It

Man Slowing Down As He Approaches Tunnel Just Case It’s Only Painted On Knows All It Takes Is Letting Your Guard Down Once

Why Don’t More People Go Into The Attic. It’s Really Fun Up There.

– Monster Hiding In Attic